“I wanted to thank you very much for being supportive from the first time I emailed you.  Your phone consultation gave me a feeling of hope that I have not had for a long time.”

Dan Colorado

This Is A Custom Widget

This Sliding Bar can be switched on or off in theme options, and can take any widget you throw at it or even fill it with your custom HTML Code. Its perfect for grabbing the attention of your viewers. Choose between 1, 2, 3 or 4 columns, set the background color, widget divider color, activate transparency, a top border or fully disable it on desktop and mobile.

About Jordan

Jordan is a Licensed Professional Counselor and the founder of Rock Your Marriage. He graduated from The Citadel with his BA in Psychology and then went on to receive his MA in Counseling from Colorado Christian University. He lives in Colorado Springs, CO with his wife and their two boys.

How to Be the Best Gift Giver

By |December 22nd, 2013|

Are you exhausted yet? It’s the 22nd of December… And time is running out for last minute shopping. Come on now. Can you really say you gave it your all? Did you pull out all the stops to make sure everyone on your list got exactly the right gift?

Fear not, faithful Christmas warrior, because I’m here to tell you how to be the best gift giver ever.

I’ve done my fair share of scrambling. I’ve even procrastinated to the point where I didn’t have time to get a gift.

I’ve also been a great Santa, and spent way too much money on gifts, even though they were fabulous ones.

Stop for a moment. Think deeply with me.

What would Christmas be like without presents? What if Cyber Monday and Black Friday weren’t things? What if Christmas revolved around community and joy and forgiveness and selflessness?


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How to Make Your Spouse Fall in Love With You

By |December 14th, 2013|

I’m just gonna wing this.

I’ve done all the research I can stomach. I’ve been to every “fall in love again” website I can take, and read a hundred ways to “bring the romance back.”

Wouldn’t you love to have a sure-fire way to keep the fire smoking in your relationship? So would I. So I’ve looked long and hard at how to make your spouse fall in love with you, and I’ve discovered some compelling insights.

Almost every online resource I had time to look at is completely focused on romance, on physical intimacy, on sexual attraction. Holding hands, It was all based on emotionally passionate responses. They all offer “simple, practical steps to identifying and solving” the problems of marital dissatisfaction and relational distance and advice on “why he’s not romantic” or “why she doesn’t respond to you the same.”

In all candor, these small pieces of wisdom have their place. They’re functional, even practical. And yes, some of them work.

But there are deeper considerations; the word love can mean so many different things, and does. It’s the biggest gray area on the planet.


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Black and White

By |December 2nd, 2013|

The dude was sick for 38 years.

38 years.

Most of you reading this haven’t even lived that long, and if you have, it’s the better part of your life. As in somewhere from 50 to 90%

And Jesus healed him.

John 5 tells us the story. The guy was there for 38 years. Trying to get the pool that was known for the occasional stirring of its waters that would heal people.

Back up. Take it in. This man held on for thirty. Eight. Years.

Most of us give up on things after 5 minutes.

So he was there for a while, and people knew him. I’m sure the religious leaders knew him. After all, how many people are in the same place every day for 38 years? Do you notice the newspaper guy on the same corner each time you go to work or the store? Maybe he’s got a cane, or a limp… You know the guy.

So re’s recognizable. And he’s healed by Jesus, and of course Jesus does it by simply telling him to pick up his mat and walk.

He does as Jesus commands, and carries his mat into the city proper, and of course the Pharisees see him. Can you picture the scene? This man who everyone knows, suddenly doing something that an hour ago he literally couldn’t do, and then carries his belongings into town on top of it.

Everyone notices.

But there’s a problem. It’s the Sabbath, the day to stop, to rest. Rules were set in place so people would honor the day of rest after God’s 6 days of creation.



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Kind of Wrong

By |November 24th, 2013|

By now, I think an extremely significant portion of the internet-using population has read the article, “Marriage Isn’t For You.”

Seth Adam Smith, a more or less professional blogger, has some great points about what pop culture thinks marriage is, and what it actually should be.

But I’m here to say that I think there’s something missing in his theory. Not much, but a critical juncture in the plan. He’s not wrong. He’s just kind of wrong. Going into marriage thinking What will this do for me? will always land you in the lukewarm water of dissatisfaction. But there’s more to a holy relationship than just doing things for your spouse.

With thanks to Joe, the author of this GoTandem devotional I’ve just finished reading several times, here’s some thoughts on Smith’s viral views on vows.

For marriage not to be for you would imply that God is working in you only to be a servant of somebody else. While that is admirable, serving others is not a means to an end, but a “slow deconstruction and reassembling of two human beings who were made to fit together but don’t even come close anymore.” Marriage is for you, but it’s for your holiness, and not your happiness. Holiness is hazardous to your ego.

Marriage is a powerful tool God uses to break down the old you and raise up a new you in its place. But you can’t fix your own brokenness. You can’t expose your own blind spots. Only God can. And God does. God wants to transform your heart, expose your weaknesses, and reinforce your fortifications; the spillover of becoming a servant is a side effect of his renewal process. And marriage is sure to expose your blind spots, and make darn sure that you know just how selfish you really are.

“Serving” people with a selfish heart will create resentment and bitterness. It places an invisible burden on your loved one’s shoulders to “earn” that service, and that’s not how God wants it to be. So let’s take Smith’s advice on one condition: that it is not you who serves your spouse, but God who loves them through you.


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Is It Meaningless?

By |November 18th, 2013|

It’s one of those weeks where my thoughts get jumbled in the emotional end-of-the-year chaos, for many reasons. Holidays can tend to make me unstable and random. My normal ADD seems to be worse than usual. I dive into something. I immerse myself in some project that completely distracts me from the dark emptiness trying to creep into my soul.

Last week’s blog, ’Tis the Season, addressed a little of how people treat the holidays less like a special time and more like an excuse to become especially shallow.

I have the opposite problem. My holidays are spent in a deep, deep place. A place of perspective, which normally would be a positive thing, but, with full disclosure, Ecclesiastes repeating theme becomes very real to me. “Everything is meaningless… everything is meaningless…”

The Ecclesiastes 1 and 2 subtitles in the NIV say, in this order, that “everything, wisdom, pleasures, folly, and toil” are all meaningless.

It doesn’t really leave much to have meaning.



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‘Tis the Season

By |November 10th, 2013|

Forgive me in advance for my candor and potentially harsh words. But if they do not apply to you, please take them for what they’re worth.

Honestly, some people may think it’s to early to think about Christmas. I saw some Christmas lights up the weekend after Halloween. People love to get cozy by the fire, bundle up in a coat (or in Tucson’s case, a light sweater), and just bathe in the magic of the last 60-90 days of the year. But it’s not all season’s swell greetings as it should be.

K-Mart has created quite the hubbub on the news and social networks by announcing that they’ll be open on this Thanksgiving Day, 2013.

Now, to be fair, there are tons of businesses open that day, including service industry companies, medical institutions, restaurant establishments, telecommunications & power utility companies, and other essential services.

Lots of people work on holidays, including Thanksgiving in particular.

But for some reason, the outrage over this is different. K-mart is a retail company, selling only goods, and non-essential ones at that.

Thanksgiving is the gateway to Christmas, that most holy of times when we take extra time to celebrate the birth of Jesus, our Savior and Messiah.

We, in general, get uppity at the thought of ushering in the materialistic aspect of  American Christmas…

…too soon.

We’re fine with the Christmas “season.” We want it, actually. It’s the time of year where we pay special attention to the “specialty” of how the faith we call Christianity came to be. But for a lot of Americans, that simply means the delay of making Christmas what it shouldn’t be.

Everybody expects the Christmas “rush.” Most participate. Though today, trends lean toward Black Fridays and Cyber Mondays. Just because you’re not “rushing” to the mall or some outlet store for a sale doesn’t mean you’re completely averted to the storm of the season’s trappings.

Personally, I love, and I mean love, December… The lights, the cold, the festive spirit in the air. The coming of a day off spent with family and friends and giving to each other and…


…And then January comes. Spirits dip, the atmosphere mellows, and life goes back to… normal.

Why does normal have to be so boring and mundane????


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To Forgive

By |November 3rd, 2013|

It’s my third time reading The Shack, and I learn something new every time I read it.

This particular time I was struck by the details of forgiveness. Without giving away spoilers, suffice it to say there is an offense committed against the main character, Mac, and he must cope with his offender’s actions.

God calls Mac to forgive his enemy. He elaborates further to say that forgiveness is not about approving of the sin, or forgetting it. Neither does forgiveness mean Mac trusting his offender, nor establishing a relationship with him.

All that being said, when it actually comes down to the practical act of forgiving in marriage, things get… complicated, sometimes.

The relationship is a unique one because we often confuse forgiveness with, well, just about anything else.

In marriage, it seems to say, “It’s ok.” Which it’s not.

We seem to say, “I trust you,” when we don’t.

It seems to mean, “Our relationship is fine,” when it’s not.


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Forged By Fire

By |October 27th, 2013|


Ah, how we love weddings.

I often wonder why happy tears are shed at weddings. Is it because people are so enamored with the romance of the vows? Is it because they have fond memories of their own young love, new and fresh?

I need to reminisce a moment about my own wedding. It was fantastic. Her parents threw it for us. We custom-designed it so our guests would have fun and something to talk about. We wanted it to be memorable.

I remember one particular moment when I called our wedding a “party” one too many times and noticed the annoyance on her face.

I didn’t really understand exactly why this was until much later, after we’d been married a while. It was because she thought I was somehow demeaning the importance of that day.

My insensitive use of words not withstanding, the reason I called it a party was because of a desperate attempt to avoid developing a dependence upon the feelings of our wedding day; I wanted it to be a blank slate for our future, not a pre-loaded template with which to fill in the blanks.

The wedding should not, and cannot, define the marriage.



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By |October 9th, 2013|

Our daughter is a tough cookie to raise. She’s stubborn, strong-willed, ritualistic, inflexible, self-centered, and kind of a brat.

Of course, she’s 3. So what can you do?

I find myself strategizing to understand better how to change her, to mold her into the person I think she should be.

In those moments of pure frustration, I wonder why she isn’t more like my sister or I was, and how we were with our parents. I just keep thinking, when will it be like it was for us?

Then a verse crossed my mind…


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Love Never Fails

By |September 29th, 2013|

“Love never fails.” 1 Cor. 13:8

Those three words choked me up more than anything as I taught my lesson in our adult Bible fellowship class. The phenomenon of an object or institution that doesn’t corrode, rust, wear out, break down, fall apart or disintegrate just seems, well, incomprehensible.

Imagine a car that never needed washing, or an engine that never needed oil. I personally would prefer a computer that never needed upgrading. But everything has a life span. Nothing lasts forever. Even things with a warrantee break before they’re supposed to. Even really durable things aren’t eternal; they just last a LOT longer than most things, and they still deteriorate.

In today’s culture, we’re easily disappointed by things or people that don’t meet our unrealistic expectations of durability, especially in relationships. Husbands, wives, parents, siblings… all disappoint and fail.

But God does not falter. He does not wane. He does not break. He does not weaken…


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