Last week our family visited our home state where we spent time with family and friends. We moved away thirteen years ago and enjoy going back to visit a few times each year.  

One special treat among many we enjoyed this trip was visiting with my cousin and his wife. Before we got married, this amazing couple poured into us and shared their wisdom of married life and walking with the Lord. We had many honest conversations in this season and appreciated their transparency.  

After we got married, we continued spending time with them. We had fun together going on double dates and enjoyed laughing and having fun together. They continued to guide us and modeled how to have a godly marriage. We were so thankful for their presence in our lives. 

When we saw them recently, we picked up right where we left off. We caught up on our seasons of life and they visited with our kids. When the kids went inside, they asked us some challenging questions:  

  • How often are you spending time together?
  • What does your time with the Lord look like?

We gave honest answers and explained that our season of life is really busy right now with all that our kids are involved in, so we haven’t carved out time for each other like we know we should. They challenged us to make time for each other and for our continued spiritual growth.  We walked away encouraged to make the positive changes we know we need.  

Every marriage can benefit from having a mentor couple. Here are steps on how to find one:

  • Pray: Ask God to help you and your spouse identify who should pour into your marriage.
  • Talk with your spouse about who would be a potential couple: Consider family, friends of the family, and couples from church who have a strong marriage and faith.
  • Keep it casual to start: I once tried to find a personal mentor and asked a woman from church and it got weird. I asked if she would mentor me and she was scared off by that term and what she might be committing to. I recommend starting by asking the couple you identified to join you for dinner.
  • Ask them to spend more time together: If it seems like a good match, tell them how much you enjoy being together and ask if they’d be willing to make it a regular date.
  • Ask insightful questions: During conversation, ask them questions about how they have grown in their marriage over the years, what they’ve learned, how they handle conflict, etc.
  • Extend the invitation: Let them know that you’d appreciate their insight and wisdom as a mentor couple in your lives. It doesn’t have to be a formal agreement with a set amount of meeting times and a huge commitment. Mentorship is really just doing life in proximity to other people who can challenge you, keep you accountable, and impart wisdom into your life.
  • Be grateful: Extend appreciation to the couple for the time they’re able to give you. Let them know how much it means to you and your spouse.

 I’d love to know if you currently have a marriage mentor. Or send in your suggestions to add to this list on how to find such a couple.