I’m just gonna wing this.

I’ve done all the research I can stomach. I’ve been to every “fall in love again” website I can take, and read a hundred ways to “bring the romance back.”

Wouldn’t you love to have a sure-fire way to keep the fire smoking in your relationship? So would I. So I’ve looked long and hard at how to make your spouse fall in love with you, and I’ve discovered some compelling insights.

Almost every online resource I had time to look at is completely focused on romance, on physical intimacy, on sexual attraction. Holding hands, It was all based on emotionally passionate responses. They all offer “simple, practical steps to identifying and solving” the problems of marital dissatisfaction and relational distance and advice on “why he’s not romantic” or “why she doesn’t respond to you the same.”

In all candor, these small pieces of wisdom have their place. They’re functional, even practical. And yes, some of them work.

But there are deeper considerations; the word love can mean so many different things, and does. It’s the biggest gray area on the planet.

To honor, cherish, to mutually submit. That’s what most of us promise. To stand by in sickness. To stand by in storms. To have. To hold. To shelter from abuse and hardship. As a matter of fact, marriage vows are the most selfless promises one could ever make, and the most difficult to keep.

When we make our matrimonial vows, we (maybe unknowingly) promise to be as God-like as humanly possible (oxy-moron?) when it came to her emotions, her insecurities, her faults and vices. In a way, I promised to be the most forgiving, most graceful and accepting person in her life. What a thing to promise…

And I’ve really failed at it. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not being overly self deprecating or anything. We all fail. We are all incapable of really being God-like to our spouse, being the most forgiving, graceful or accepting.

An article I read recently said, “I always ask myself, “If I couldn’t do ministry tomorrow for whatever reason, what would be left of my life with Christ?” Hopefully the answer is “lots” or “virtually everything.”

There’s probably (I assume) a lot of men out there who want to make a ministry out of their marriage. They want people to look at them and their spouse and say, “Wow, there’s really something special about them. I wonder what their secret is.” They want to get it right where others have failed, maybe even their own fathers.


But maybe you shouldn’t be asking how to make your spouse fall in love with you.


Maybe, you should be asking how to fall more deeply in love with God. How to more fully understand how much He loves you.


Maybe God’s desire is ultimately not to give you a great marriage as much as he wants to use your marriage to shape your heart.

Making your spouse fall in love with you” is never as simple as it sounds; just because you excel as a husband or wife doesn’t automatically mean you have a great marriage. And just because you’ve made mistakes doesn’t mean God can’t redeem you and your relationship. Drawing closer to God does mean He can shape you into someone who is forgiving and graceful, whether you’re single, divorced, married or dating.


To paraphrase Romans 8: I consider that as hard as life sucks today, as hard as marriage seems, as impossible as it is to keep perfect vows… it is all worth it when you remember the glory and beauty that can come. For there is never pain without hope.


Love, the RYM Team