My husband and I were recently asked to help facilitate a group at our church for young married couples who have been married less than five years. It’s funny because it feels like not long ago that we were in that category. This month we’re celebrating 13 years of marriage; we’ve learned a lot along the way.

Currently the group is going through a curriculum called “How We Love” by Milan and Kay Yerkovich. It’s designed to help you identify your relationship style and better understand your spouse’s relationship style.

There are five relationship styles:

  • The Avoider
  • The Pleaser
  • The Vacillator
  • The Controller
  • The Victim

When you go to the website howwelove.com, you can take a free quiz to help you identify which relationship styles you are. Most people are a combination of style. The results will give you your percentages in each area, along with some recommendations of how to move toward being a more secure connector.

One of the things I’ve learned in the past few years is that so much of how we handle relationships comes from our home of origin and from our childhood. I’ve found it so helpful to dig into this period of my life and it’s helped me to figure out why I do what I do. It has also helped me to better understand not just my husband, but my own parents, friends and other family members. Honestly, it’s not been easy, but it’s been beneficial.

This world we live in is broken by sin, so we all carry wounds and issues from the past. Even though I thought I had a great childhood, there were still things that happened to me that affected me in ways I didn’t realize. God has helped me make these connections within the past few years and it has been freeing!

Knowing ourselves and our spouse better will help bring healing to our broken places. God wants us to live a life of freedom in Christ and although it’s difficult, digging deep into ourselves and our past will help us move toward freedom. When we find personal freedom, not only will we be better, but our marriages as well.

Taking this quiz can be one step toward your own journey of freedom and marital fulfillment. It only takes 10-15 minutes to set up a free account and take the quiz. You’ll get the results shortly afterward. Carve out some time this week to take the quiz with your spouse and discuss your results.

I’d love to hear how it goes, please leave some comments below.