JK_Background_DLast time, I shared with you a little about our beginnings, so now, I’ll take a moment to update you on what has happened in our relationship since reality has set in.

The honeymoon stage tends not to last very long for many couples.  While many typically hope for at least a year of bliss, for most the first year can be complicated, as you and your spouse learn more about one another and how your relationship operates.  If you’ve been married for any length of time, you’ve noticed all you’ve expected doesn’t happen.  Don’t get me wrong.  You still love each other and are committed to one another, just as Kelsey and I are.  Yet you’ve also discovered that marriage involves so much more than what you expected.  So if reality has set in for you then you will certainly want to read on, and be prepared, as things will get candid.


Within the first few weeks of marriage, Kels and I knew something was not right.  We continued to have some pain that greatly inhibited our relationship, especially our intimacy.  After many doctors, tears, and dollar bills, we found out that the pain has a name but no known cure, just theories.  Soon we were trying homeopathic remedies, diets, and seeing specialists.  Nothing seemed to be working.  Relational distance began to set in, and our communication diminished, as we tried to deal with all our emotions and the shattering of our expectations.  While we remained cordial to one another and committed, bitterness began to grow in our hearts.  I would often feel rejected because of Kelsey’s lack of interest in me, and I noticed that over time I was becoming short-tempered with her and would tend to get angry easier.  Kels, on the other hand, would often feel unworthy and like a woman who was slowly wearing me down.  As if these challenges we not enough, we were also dealing with full-time school, along with our full-time jobs, and I was also conducting my internship in pursuit of my M.A. in Counseling.  These things added to our stress and took away from much needed quality time.  Reality had certainly set in.  However, things didn’t stop here. 

As Kels and I dived into what was really going on, we began to see that any present issues ran a lot deeper than just a physical ailment.  The emotional issues and matters of the heart that we began to notice were more indicative of past trauma than simply a physical ailment.  We continued counseling and found that many of our suspicions were correct.  The news was devastating, but God has brought much healing thus far.  After much treatment, the physical ailment has gotten a lot better, and the emotional trauma has slowly started to improve.  Praise the Lord!

Some much needed help came from our closest friends, to whom we are so grateful for.  Thankfully, we finally started to begin sharing our difficulties and feelings with those close to us.  This was a tremendous help, as it enabled us to release many emotions and not feel so alone in our trials.  Also, our friends encouraged and motivated us and, of course, prayed for us.  Kelsey and I have been seeking both medical, professional, and marital help.  All together, we have persevered through the most challenging time of our lives.  Above all, we praise God for the goodness, strength, and mercy He has shown us throughout this time.

Through all this, Kelsey and I have grown in ways we couldn’t believe.  If you want, next time I’d be happy to share the miracles that occur when the worst gets thrown at you.  For now, I’ll tell you this…it’s all worth it!  (Read the next post to find out how.)

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