My husband and I had been married about five years and we decided it was time for a marriage tune up. As we sat down on the couch in the counselor’s office, I was surprised when she called meout—she called me a liar.
We had been talking about communication. She asked how I responded when my husband asked, “What’s wrong?”
I told her I responded with the customary answer of most wives, “Nothing.”
He would usually ask another time or two and I’d respond with the same answer. I told her how I was frustrated that he stopped answering.
She looked me straight in the eye and said, “Don’t you realize that every time you tell him nothing is wrong when something is wrong, you’re lying to him?”
Ouch. I never saw that coming!
Communicating honestly with your spouse isn’t always easy. It’s sometimes hard to bring up a tough or touchy subject. I’ve learned the hard way that it’s always better to talk it out instead of brushing it under the rug, stuffing it inside, or lying about it.
Even if your spouse doesn’t know you’re lying, it’s still a lie. We know when we aren’t being honest with our spouse, and it comes with a cost. We withhold intimacy and the opportunity for it when we lie.
Reflect for a moment and ask yourself: are you always honest with your spouse? Or do you find yourself withholding words, conversations, or parts of yourself?
Next question: why are you dishonest with your spouse? Is it because you don’t want to cause a fight? Or maybe you’re afraid of their reaction or that they’ll abandon you. The next time you catch yourself about to lie, take a pause and analyze the root cause.
It’s crucial for us to find the answers to these questions so that we can work through them, for ourselves and for our marriage. The staff here at Rock Your Marriage would love to help you! Reach out and schedule an individual or couple’s appointment today.
Writer and speaker Michael Hyatt says, “Intimacy is on the other side of conflict.” I’ve found that to be very true. I’d also add that intimacy is on the other side of honesty, as well.