I hope you enjoyed Part I of this series about how we often have different processing methods than our spouse. Here’s Part II.
I’ve recently been reading Emily P. Freeman’s latest book The Next Right Thing*. It’s so good. I also listen to her podcast by the same name.
In a recent episode, she talked about the different methods of making decisions. We each have a process or a style to our decision making.
The three types of processors/styles include:
Head: Head processors make decisions based on logic and reason. They decide, usually quickly, on the best option that makes the most sense in their head.
Heart: Heart processors make choices based on feelings, theirs and others. They’ve analyzed how their decisions will impact everyone else’s emotions and well-being. Heart thinkers generally take a long time to make decisions because their feelings can change day-to-day. They can often be paralyzed by making the wrong decision because it involves people.
Gut: Gut processors rely on their intuition, their gut feelings to make a choice, which means they generally make decisions quickly. They have a heightened sense of right and wrong and make decisions they’re certain are right.
Knowing your type of processor and your spouse’s processor is so helpful! It helps you understand why each of you behave like you do and how it can lead to miscommunication and conflict in your relationship.
You likely know from just reading these descriptions which type you are. But if you’d like to take a quiz Emily developed, you can find it here.
Scroll down, it’s about mid-way down the page.
Your homework this week is to talk to your spouse about the processors you each have. Identify how your methods complement or compete with one another. Why are both necessary and helpful?
Opposites often attract and you might find that’s the case with the way you process information and make decisions. But this doesn’t have to be negative, it can be a positive! As a couple, you can balance each other out and help you make decisions together after seeing them from multiple angles.
Or if you’re the same type, talk about how you can avoid being narrow-minded on how you make decisions together. Identify how being similar can bond you together and make your marriage stronger.
It will be worth the time to talk to your spouse about how you can move forward and use your processing methods/decision-making styles to deepen your love and intimacy.